The Bible, Technical Slang Version

modified 2003-01-27. (links fixed 2004-09-04).


(The TSV (technical slang version) is a translation of the Bible into the language David Cary <d.cary at> speaks. )

[FIXME: Still incomplete.] [FIXME: consider linking to the Bible Gateway for translation]

David Cary makes more mistakes than the average writer, so please do not rely on this for doctrine -- please tell me *when* you discover mistakes.

related pages:

Old Testament

New Testament


Genesis 1:

"At time t = 0, Elohiym implemented the heavens and Earth.

Now Earth had low information content, ...

And Elohiym said, "Let there be electromagnetic radiation",

and there was electromagnetic radiation."

--Genesis 1:1 to 1:3, Technical Slang Version.

[4: Elohiym saw that the electromagnetic radiation was a Good Thing.]

4: Elohiym saw that the electromagnetic radiation passed QA [Quality Assurance].

And he bifurcated the high-intensity electromagnetic radiation areas from the negligible-intensity electromagnetic radiation areas.

5: Elohiym called high-intensity electromagnetic radiation areas "day", and the negligible-intensity electromagnetic radiation areas "night".

And there was evening and there was morning: t = 1 day.

6,7,8: And Elohiym said, let there be a [Spreader Outer][frame][brace][liner] between the H2O to bifurcate the H2O from H2O. So Elohiym made the [Spreader Outer] and separated the water under the [Spreader Outer] from the water above it. And it was so. Elohiym called the [Spreader Outer] "sky".

[No mention is made of the waterproofing process and the polymers used to waterproof the [Spreader Outer]; or its geometric structure.]

And there was evening and there was morning: t = 2 day.

9:And Elohiym said, let the H2O under "sky" be [concentrated][reduced][averaged][localized], and let

ground lacking in H2O [make its outcome known][appear]. And it was so.

10:Elohiym called the ground lacking in H2O "land", and the [concentrated H2O] "seas".

Elohiym saw that it passed QA.

11: Then Elohiym said, Let the "land" produce Embryophytes (land plants):

Spermatopsida (seed plants) [the spermatophytes ("seed plants")][seed-bearing plants] and

trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their kinds.

Elohiym saw that it passed QA.

13: And there was evening and there was morning: t = 3 day.

14:And Elohiym said, let there be photon sources in the [Spreader Outer] of the sky to bifurcate the "day" from the "night", and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be photon sources in the [Spreader Outer] of the sky to give light on Earth.

And it was so.

14: Elohiym made 2 dominant lights:

He also made the stars.

17: Elohiym set them in the [Spreader Outer] of the sky to give light on the Earth, to govern the day and the night, and to bifurcate light from the darkness.

Elohiym saw that it passed QA.

19: And there was evening and there was morning: t = 4 day.

20: And Elohiym said, let the H2O teem with lifeforms, and let Avia fly above the earth across the [Spreader Outer] of the sky.

21: So Elohiym made the dominant creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every Avis according to its kind.


24: And Elohiym said, Let the "land" generate Animalia according to their species:

each according to its kind.

And it was so.

Elohiym made the Wild Quadrupeds according to their kinds, the Domesticated Quadrupeds according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds.

Elohiym saw that it passed QA.

26: Elohiym said,

Let us make "adam" [mankind][homo sapiens] in our image, in our likeness. Let them rule over

27: So Elohiym made "adam" [mankind][homo sapiens] in his own image. Elohiym made them male and female in the image of Elohiym.


31: Elohiym saw that it exceedingly passed QA. And there was evening and there was morning: t = 6 day.

Genesis 2:



Exodus 12:

49: The same law applies to the native-born and to the alien living among you. [see Leviticus+24 ]


Exodus 13:

This will be a sign on your hand. and a reminder between your eyes to keep the law of YHWH in your mouth. With a strong hand YHWH brought you out of Egypt.


Exodus 23:

1 Do not carry a false report. Do not conspire to tell lies.

2 Act on your own (don't follow the crowd to evil). Speak on your own (don't follow the crowd to say what is politically correct).

3 Do not twist your words towards the underdog.

4 If you encounter your enemy's ox or donkey wandering away, return it to him.

5 If you see the donkey of one who hates you fallen down under its burden, help him with it.

6 Do not twist your words away from the underdog.


8 Do not take a bribe.



Leviticus 5

1 If any one hears a public call to testify about something they know about, but refuses to testify, he will carry his guilt.


5 Or if a soul makes a promise without realizing it, (to do evil, or to good -- whatever), then when he knows about it, he shall be guilty.

6 When he shall be guilty in one of these things, he must confess that he has sinned.

7 And he must bring his sin offering ... and the priest shall cover his sin.


Leviticus 24

16: [FIXME: one who curses the name of YHWH must die; must stone the the visitor NIV: anyone who blasphemes the name of the LORD must be put to death. The entire assembly must stone him. Whether an alien or native-born, when he blasphemes the Name, he must be put to death. ] [see #Exodus+12 ]




Deuteronomy 20 : the protocol for war

(See also: 2 Samuel 20:14-22 describes what the actions of Joab and "a wise woman" of the city of Abel Beth Maacah. Apparently Joab skipped a step in the war protocol of Deut. 20:10, which nearly caused the unnecessary slaughter of an entire city. The woman returned Joab to that step, and figured out what Joab really wanted. the army of Israel was hunting for a single man, "a troublemaker named Sheba son of Bicri".)






Job 38:4-8 [God speaking to Job]





Proverbs 31


10: Who can find a virtuous woman ? ...

16: She investigates ``real estate'', and buys it: with her earnings she plants it.


19: She works with textiles.


She makes fine linen, and sells it. ...

31: Give her her own earnings, and let her own works praise her in the gates.





18:20 The individual who sins will die. X will not punish the son for the father's sin. X will not punish the father for the son's sin. What is right about one who does right will be upon himself. The wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself. [FIXME: this translation uses the active voice. Who is this X doing the action here ? Is this an order for humans to carry out ? Or is this a promise/curse that God will carry out ?]

18:21 If the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all my statues and practices justice and what is right, he shall surely live; he shall not die.


18:24 But when a man who does right turns away from what is right, commits iniquity and does according to all the abominations that a wicked man does, ... ... for his treachery which he has committed and his sin which he has committed; for them he will die.


18:30 ... Repent and turn away from all your transgressions ...

18:32 ``I have no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies,'' declares the Lord GOD. ``Therefore, repent and live.''







Amos 3


3:7 the Lord YHWH does nothing without uncovering his plan to his servants the prophets.

3:8 The lion has roared; who is not afraid ? The Lord YHWH has spoken; who is not a prophet ? [see 1 The 5:20]


Amos 3:11 Therefore the Lord YHWH says, an enemy will






The Fundamental Law of Bandwidth Conservation and Binary Communication

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No';

anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

-- Jesus (Matthew 5:37) (repeated in James 5:12) [FIXME: ]

The Lord's Prayer

(Matt 6:9, Luke 11:1)

Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
From: trey at (Trey Jackson)
Subject: Lord's Prayer: Ain't no jive! [religious regional]
Keywords: smirk, offense=Christians
Date: Sat, 29 Mar 97 19:30:03 EST

(original author lost in forwards)

(Oakland California's school district recently recognized
Ebonics "Black English" as a separate language.)

The Lord's Prayer translated into Ebonics:


Big Daddy's Rap

Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs,

You be chillin

So be yo hood

You be sayin' it, I be doin' it

In this here hood and yo's

Gimme some eats

And cut me some slack,

Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me

don't be pushing me into no jive

and keep dem Crips away


you always be da Man




The Lord's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven

Hallowed be thy name

Thy Kingdom come

Thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those who trespass against us

And lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from evil


thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory,

forever and ever.


[Note - allegedly written by MalibuRah at, but I've been unable to
confirm it - ed.]

Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to <funny at>.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
The archives are also at


Matthew 6:


31: Therefore, don't worry. Don't wonder

32: The outsiders really go for these things. And your heavenly Father knows you need this stuff.

33: But you -- really go for God's kingdom and his ``what is right''. Then all these other things you need will be given to you as well.





Luke 8

Luke 8:16 No man, when he hath lighted a candle, covereth it with a vessel, or putteth it under a bed; but setteth it on a candlestick, that they which enter in may see the light.


Luke 12:



	Fear not, little flock;
	for your Father is pleased to
	give you the kingdom.


John 1:

"In the beginning was the ordering Logic of the Cosmos, and that ordering Logic was with God, and that ordering Logic was God." -- as translated by the Royster-Meister 2000-12-16




Romans 11


29 God never takes back the gifts and calling of God.

Romans 12

"Do not conform any longer to this world[*], but be transformed by updating your mind. Updating your mind gives you the ability to recognize and support what God wants -- a good, pleasing and perfect future. "

-- Paul (Romans 12:2)

[*]C.Ryrie, Th.D., makes this comment: "Do not conform. I.e., do not live according to the style or manner of this present age, but live as if the new age had already arrived." [Transhuman]


1 Corinthians

1 Cor 5

9: When I told you not to associate with sexually immoral people, I didn't mean the people of this world. To avoid the immoral, or greedy, or idolators of this world, you have to leave this world. But you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolator or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. Don't even eat with him.

It's not my job to judge those outside the church. Don't you judge those inside the church ? God will judge those outside the church. Therefore expel that wicked person from among you.


1 Cor 10:23

Do things that are beneficial and constructive. [DAV: very Rough paraphrase.]

1 Cor 10:27-28 (NIV) "If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. But if anyone says to you, "This has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, ... for the sake of the man who told you"

1 Cor 10:32 (NIV) "Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks, or the church of God" [DAV: This appears to be saying that "zero-sum-game" strategies are inappropriate.]

1 Cor 14

33 God is not a "God of Entropy" but of peace.






Eph. 6:19

19 Pray for me, that sayings may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the unknown parts of the gospel.


Phi 2:2-4

2 Finalize my joy in you by being like-minded, having the same love, being one entity in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of contention or empty recognition, but value others above your own individual emotions and cognitive facilities. 4 Look, each of you, not only on your own things, but also on the things of others.

[DAV: Phi2:3,4: "others": definitely includes all the "members" of the local church, but I am unsure as to whether it includes the entire church, possibly even all humans or all sentients.]

[Dav: Phi 2:3,4: I am unsure whether the pleasure calculus is really biblical, but if one is using that method, this section clearly states the proper optimization function is not "self", but rather "sum of all others".]

Phi 2:5-8

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
Who, having the form of God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but zeroed his reputation,
and took the form of a servant.
Since he appeared human,
he humbled himself
and followed orders, even knowing that would lead to his death.

Phi 3:1-3

Rejoice in the Lord!

The safeguarding effect of redundancy takes negligible effort. [FIXME: crosslink: RAID]


We ... worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and do not rely on the flesh [for salvation ?] [for information ?].

[DAV: is this *really* what it says ?]

Phi 3:7-

The things I once thought positive, I now think are negative for Christ.

[DAV: positive for me, negative for Christ ? or, Christ changed my attitude towards these things?]

In fact, I consider everything a waste of time compared to the high value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For him I flushed[*] everything. I think of them as waste, so that I may have Christ and be found in him, having what is right -- not what is right from the law, but what is right through faith in Christ -- the what is right that comes from God by faith.

[*][DAV: in the techical sense: "got rid of". This is probably a bit strong; I suspect it's more like "I allowed these things to be taken from me".]

I did this because I want to know Christ, and the power of his returning from death, and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, if by any means I might come back from my death.

I don't have this ability yet, and I have not yet been made perfect, but "I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus".

[DAV: Stack Overflow! What does this *mean* ?]

Brothers, I do not think I have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Erasing obsolete memories, I increase my velocity vector toward the goal: ...

[DAV: What is the goal ? Why do I want to win ?]

If you don't agree with me, you are immature. [DAV: Whoa! ad-hominem !]

If on some issue you think differently, God will make it clear.

Nevertheless, now that we have already achieved [a certain level of what ?], keep it up.

Follow my example. Note the ones who live according to the algorithm we gave you, because (as I have told you often, and repeat with tears), there are many enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame [?]. They focus on earthly things.

But our citizenship is in heaven. We eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ -- who, by the power that enables him to control everything, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

[Phi 4:1-]

That is why you should stand firm in the Lord. My brothers, I love and long for you. You are what makes me happy and what makes others respect me.

Euodias and Syntyche, please be of the same mind in the Lord.

And you, loyal Syzygus, please help those women who have pressed forward at my side in the gospel. [``Along with'' -- does that mean ``women and ..'' or does that mean ``you help ... and also you'' ?] [Also help Clement and the rest of my fellow workers.][or][ Also Clement and the rest of my fellow workers have pressed forward at my side.] The names of my fellow workers are in the book of life.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I repeat: Rejoice !

Let your [???] be obvious to men. The Lord is at hand.

Don't worry. Tell God all of your requests. Tell God with prayer and petition, while giving thanks. [ perhaps "Give thanks as you tell God everything." ? ]

The incomprehensible [???] peace of God, [ perhaps "The peace of God, which transcends all understanding," ] will guard your hearts and your minds through Christ Jesus.

One final request, brothers: Think. Think about things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, admirable, -- if it is excellent or praiseworthy.

Put into practice what you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me. The God of peace will be with you.








Hebrews 10:

24:... And let us consider how we may spur (coerce ?) one another on toward agape and good deeds.



Remember the time immediately after you received the (?), ... you sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your material possessions, because you knew that you yourselves had superior and durable possessions.

Hebrews 11:

3: By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.


6: Why do we need faith to please God ? because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.



All these people continued living by faith until they died. They did not receive the things promised; ... And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country -- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.


Hebrews 12:

1:Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us slough off (shed) everything that slows us down and the sin that so easily sticks to us, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ...


14: Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy.


26: At that time (?) his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." The words "once more" indicate filtering out the things that can be shaken, leaving only unshakable things remaining.


Hebrews 13:



	Communicate and
	do good: God is well pleased with
	such sacrifices.



1 Peter

1 Peter 2:11 :

Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world: abstain from sinful desires -- they war against your soul.

Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they may accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

Submit to man-made authority ... to governors, who punish those who do wrong and praise those who do right.

God wants you to do good in order to silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom to camouflage evil; live as servants of God.

2 Peter

2 Peter 3:8

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. ...

2 Peter 3:13

However, we look for new universes [is this plural or singular ?], that contain what is right.


2 Peter 3:15-16

Note that the patience of our Lord is salvation. Our beloved brother Paul (using the wisdom given to him) has transmitted to you this same message. His messages contain some complex things. Ignorant and volatile/fickle people [warp]/[pull out of context] his and other scriptures, to their own destruction.

1 John

[the book 1 John uses the term "kosmos" a lot. the term "world" in English translations of 1 John is always "kosmos" (but in other books "world" is something different); here I've translated it "system". I'm thinking about leaving it in the original language: kosmos. -- DAV]

1 John 3:1-

Check out how much love the Father has given us: we should be called children of God. The system does not recognize us [now] because it did not know him [when he appeared incognito].

Friends, now we are the children of God. What we will be has not yet been made known, but we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope purifies himself, in the same way that he is pure.


he became visible so that he might take away our sins.


1 John 3:8-

He who actively sins belongs to the devil; because the devil sins from the beginning. The reason the Son of God became visible was to destroy the works of the devil.

Whoever is born of God does not actively sin, because God's seed remains in him.

The children of God, and the children of the devil, are seen this way:
Whoever does not do what is right does not belong to God.
Whoever does not love loves his brother does not belong to God.

We should love one another.


1 John 3:16

How do we know what love is ? From this example: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need, and has no compassion, how can the love of God be in him ? My little children, let us not "love" with words, but with actions and with truth.


1 John 4:1

Friends, do not believe every spirit. Many impostors have gone out into the system. Test the spirits to see whether they are from God,

Here is a sure-fire test: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God. Every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God (this is the spirit of the antichrist, which ... is already in the system). Dear children, you are from God and have the victory, because the one in you is greater than the one in the system.

Since these impostors are from the system, they speak from the viewpoint of the system, and the system listens to them.

We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us. Whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood.

Friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.




about the Technical Slang Version of the Bible:

I would be grateful if you would do me the favor of pointing out any errors you may discover, with a view to their future correction.

Anybody who wants to contribute to and/or proofread this effort, please send your suggestions to <> ( or post them to ... or edit the version at Compass:TSV:Romans directly. ). I want to make this a true translation of the Bible, not a mere parody. However, some bits of the Bible are genuinely humorous.

There are many important parts of the Bible (for instance, Phil. 2:9-11; the Psalms;) that I am leaving out of this translation -- because translating poetry into technical slang is usually pointless. I find it more interesting and useful to translate passages that match up well to technical slang; where a single technical word is identical with a whole phrase that would be needed in non-technical languages.

The poems are some of the most beautiful and important parts of the Bible. Please read them in some other translation. I just don't have the words for them in this translation.

David Cary can quote the 3 Laws of Robotics | from memory, and is strongly influenced by the Hacker Ethic . Please correct me if my translations inadvertently drift toward these rather than remaining true to the original meaning.

I'm not a Greek or Hebrew scholar, but I have a few reference tools I look stuff up in. I've been translating ``ethnos'' as ``outsiders'', though some people translate it as ``Gentiles'' or ``pagans''.

Since DAV is currently the editor of this TSV, the TSV currently reflects what DAV thinks the Bible is saying.

what language is the TSV written in ?

I'm trying to avoid using ``religious jargon'' (``Church Talk''). But ``technical jargon'' is fine for my target audience.

The language I think in, is different from the language King James spoke. Like all other humans, I understand text better when it is in my language. You wouldn't force someone who spoke Greek as his native language to use the KJV, would you ?

This translation is written in the language David Cary <d.cary at> speaks. A polyglot of American English, Electrical Engineering, Computer Hacker Jargon creed.html#jargon ("Tech Speak"), with a dash of Greek, Hebrew and Deutsch( idea_space.html#languages_to_learn ).

(In particular, there's a significant difference between DAV's use of the term ``person'' vs. ``human''. They are not synonyms in the same way that ``the internet'' vs. ``the world wide web'' are not synonyms. Like ``electric light bulb'' ( Francis Hawksbee in England in 1709 ? James Bowman Lindsay in 1835 ?[FIXME: confirm]) and ``incandescent light bulb'' ( patented by Joseph Wilson Swan in 1878 (?[FIXME: confirm]); patented by Thomas Edison in 1879 ) are not synonyms. A lot of overlap, yes, but distinctly different things. ( | | | )

I grew up in Oklahoma, so I'm using "you" for second-person-singular ("thou" in KJV, "du" in Deutsch), "you all" for second-person-singular ("you" in KJV, "ihr" in Deutsch). Richard Bacon thinks the difference between these pronouns is important . /* was */

I'm translating (KJV)``A is of B'' into ``A belongs to B''; (KJV)``A is not of B'' into ``A does not belong to B''. Does this capture the meaning correctly ?

I'm translating (KJV)``righteousness'' into ``what is right''.

I've been translating ``phaneros''(5318, 5319) (several times in 1 John) into ``became visible'' or ``are seen'' rather than (KJV)``manifested''. Does this capture the meaning correctly ?

why ?

Why did DAV write this translation ?

I had perceived by experience how that it was impossible to stablysh the laye people in any truth, excepte the scripture were plainly layde before their eyes in their mother tongue. -- William Tyndale

All too often I just wave my eyes back and forth over the text of the Bible, without really thinking about what it says. The act of translating forces me to think more deeply about the meaning of the text.

Learning transfer requires expression in your own words of the information. -- Gene Whitt

Unfortunately I don't know nearly enough Deutsch or Español to even begin translating to or from either language. I thought I'd try to translate between the 2 languages I think I'm pretty good at: King James English, and technical slang. (Normally I try to translate text *out* of technical slang into easier-to-read modern English -- .)

I mentioned to a couple of friends this idea of translating into technical slang, and they thought it was cool and wanted a copy.

Well, all I really had at that time was Gen1:1, so I (with the help of good friends) translated a few more verses -- some of my favorite verses, the passage that my Bible study was currently reading.

Q: Why hasn't DAV finished this translation ?

A: Not enough people have written to me, encouraging me to finish it ?

Bible reference tools

Bible reference tools

[FIXME: which of these have topical index ?]

Other Bibles on the Web

unfinished Bibles

The TSV version isn't the only unfinished translation.

Other more important Bible translation projects are also in progress, and ask for help.

other Bible translations asking for editorial and proofreading help.


and other things that seem somehow related.


What does the Bible say about various languages and the translation between them ?

[FIXME: very incomplete] keywords: tongue, jot, tittle, language, ...

[FIXME: should I seperate these verses into pro-translation and anti-translation ?]


misc fragments -- Christian humor (recc. Crawford)

The Ten Commandments In Ebonics

God-Honoring work Eph. 4:28 1 Th. 4:11 Prov. 27:23-27

Open Bible Project allows you to add commentary. Cool. See the comments others have made, and the responses to those comments.

What is this translation ?

From:  (Peter da Silva)
Subject: Re: Happy with grayscale; color is superfluous
Date: 25 Jan 2001 00:00:00 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.comp.sys.palmtops.pilot,comp.sys.palmtops.pilot
Rev. Peter da Silva, ULC.					WWFD?

"Be conservative in what you generate, and liberal in what you accept"
	-- Matthew 10:16 (l.trans)

Started: 1996 May 7
Original Author: David Cary.
Current maintainer: David Cary.

Send comments, suggestions, bug reports to

David Cary

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